I Puked On My Jacket

There's apparently special ways to wash a leather jacket in a washing machine, but people on the internet like to treat the process like its diffusing a bomb.

PUT THE JACKET, BY ITSELF, INTO THE MACHINE
MAKE SURE THE MACHINE IS PLUGGED IN
DO NOT GET ELECTRICUTED
DO NOT!!!
DO NOT USE LAUNDRY SOAP
YOUR FAMILY WILL ABANDON YOU,
YOU WILL LOSE YOUR FACE,
YOU WILL LOSE YOUR BARNYARD ANIMALS.
Take 3 deep breaths..
DO NOT TAKE 4 DEEP BREATHS!!!
Instead of soap, use horse semen, shampoo, or sand.
WASH IT ON A GENTLE CYCLE ON "WARM"
THIS MEANS JUST LET THE WATER RUN
AND USE A KITCHEN UTENSIL OR AN UGLY BABY'S LEGS TO STIR IT,
DO NOT LOOK AT THE UGLY BABY!!!
Wait five hours for the yeast to rise,
YOU HAVE NOW TURNED YOUR JACKET INTO A MOTORCYCLE.

Later edit: Shampoo didn't quite work, it is a little moldy, I am now getting it dry cleaned.

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